The Coder

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious tarball of forgotten code—

While I nodded, suddenly the computer ringed a notification,

Of the source control system admitting a new modification.

“Tis some iteration”, I muttered, “just a minor alteration—

Only this and nothing more.”

Distinctly I remember, our source code was frozen until December;

I was right now, however, being served with an urgent notification,

Served with full determination by the server running Subversion,

With source code that was to be integrated after its due inspection,

Compiled, packaged, uploaded and installed, all in successive progression,

In production for evermore.

Code, older or newer, first was checked by an experienced reviewer,

Who, with rightfully earned aplomb, every detail would inspect and comb,

And approve the source code changes or throw them into the darkest sewer.

Such is the sacred duty of the consummate zero-defect pursuer,

Shall, the accomplished coder, be of all source code its ultimate ruler,

To declare “this bug is no more.”

Presently my soul grew stronger, hesitating then no longer,

My proficient skill as a coder, my dedication even stronger,

I loaded each file into my environment, opened the editor,

Wondered if their author could some day become an adept competitor,

Or someone I could raise, to whom I would open the code reviewing door.

Bugs there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, unavoidable null checks dismissing,

All the required comments missing, many indentation styles mixing,

Nondescriptive variables names clipping, for, while and do loops twisting,

Unsafely mixed data ripping, extracted from unfitting hashmaps galore,

Good programming practices ignored, abused, horribly tramped into the floor.

I could not take this anymore.

I logged back on to Subversion and wrote in my detailed rejection,

This tentative code modification, nothing but a bug collection.

Plus a query injection, disguised as an innocuous correction?!

Another damning inspection! For quality code I beg and implore!

Should we ever again accept aberrant source code with such a low score?

Quoth the Coder “Nevermore.”

(with due apologies to Mr. Poe)